I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
