if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
