Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
