it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hippo gnu deer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
