I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
