You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
