I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
