She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
