Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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