do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
