I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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