You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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