Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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