i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
