Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
