I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
