I will die if light touches me.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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