I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i barfeds in our rink
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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