i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
