He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
