I need to stop coming to work sober
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
