I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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