he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
