I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
