Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
