And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
