So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
