I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
