lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
