did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I look better un-naked...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
