in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
