Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
