Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
