i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
