He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
