She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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