i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who died my cat blue again?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
