Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
