i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
