paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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