so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
