bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
