2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
