I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
