This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
