What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
