You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
