My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
