Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
