I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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