my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When are your genitals available?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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