His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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