i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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