That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
