About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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